On Vices and Emotions
I ran across a video from rapper Vic Mensa where he announced he was four years sober. For anyone with addiction, four years is a hell of a milestone. He mentioned how his sobriety forced him to deal with emotions. Like anyone, he deals with ups and downs. Occasionally, he deals with bouts of depression. He said instead of drinking as a form of escapism, he instead faces his emotions head-on, usually by doing some sort of exercise like writing down ten things he’s grateful for.
It was a reminder I too need to deal with my emotions. Maybe it’s a case of winter blues. I’m going through some things at work, and I don’t have really much of a network here where I live, so I don’t get out much currently. It all has me feeling a bit isolated. When I was in Lincoln, I almost always had the chance to get out once a week, and that was often enough for me.
About a week ago, I grabbed my journal for the first time and dumped some things on paper. It was the first time I had done this in a few weeks. All the shit that had been building for the past few weeks finally came out. This is the mental equivalent for me of not taking the trash out. Within a couple of days, I started feeling better just not having that stuff stored up in me anymore.
The same thing happened to me at work the other day. I opened up my pocket notebook to find I hadn’t actually used it in about two weeks. The last two weeks have felt like utter chaos to me. This doesn’t erase any of the things going on at work, but at least I have some perspective of what’s going on.
But here’s the thing, I don’t want to be negative all the time. I can feel myself being constantly grumpy or negative as of late, or at least at a point where my positive moods are fragile. Maybe reaffirming myself would be a good thing for me. Can I find ten positive things, or even five?
One thing I will say is I’m glad I haven’t given into something like alcohol. I find it odd to drink at home alone, so it happens rarely. Maybe if I’m watching a football game or something, I’ll have one. It’s something I haven’t fallen into. Luckily, I’ve found writing, and I know it works, if even to clear my head temporarily. I need to get back to walking also. I’ve been finding it too easy to make excuses for myself once I get home that I just sink into the couch and never move from there.
The point is I know how to boost myself up. I just need to do it. Get some fresh air every day, eat right, keep a clean home, and write frequently. Most things should take care of themselves from there.
