On Doing Something You Love
One of my fatal flaws that I’m realizing I have is that I tend to settle. I’ve settled in relationships, I’ve settled in my career, and I’ve settled with life in general many times. I just take things for what they are, and I don’t really attempt to make them suitable for me. Maybe that’s why I’m cool being a homebody most of the time, because that’s the one place that is catered for me.
I’ve never gotten to do something I love for a living. I went to school, now two decades ago, to better learn web design. It ended up being included in a program called Visual Publications, that also included page layout (both digital and print), graphic design, and even a little 3D and 4D design. Overall, it was a fun program. I got to create, and if you know me, that’s a good thing.
But, I never actually got into the field. I did some client projects while I was still in school (essentially free labor) and found I didn’t like being critiqued on my work. For me, those creations were a part of me, even if they were made for someone else, and I just didn’t take to that kind of thing very well in those times. So, I just never got into it. I regret that a little.
Then I thought I could do video work. Again, I liked creating little projects for myself. I would spend hours editing these things. So, I took a little weekend warrior course out in California and got certified for Final Cut Pro X. When I found the kind of jobs I really wanted to do took degrees, like joining a video editing team at a university’s sports program, I got intimidated and never sought it out.
Then I went back to school again, this time for information technology. Parts of this were a challenge, especially that Java course that literally brought me to tears 1. But, for the most part, I liked what I was getting into. Then, my father passed away, grieving and a bit of depression creeped in, and my grades suffered, so I left school with only a handful of credits to go. Still, I tried applying for jobs and never made it past a second interview. Then COVID hit, and I feel like I basically aged out of the field, at least for someone entering it.
All I have to show for myself is 28 years of experience in retail and some student debt. Again, I’m recognizing I’ve settled for a lot in my life. I’m tired of myself for this. I want to do something I love. But what? None of those other options are something I feel like are going to happen at this point in my life.
One thing I know is I need something to do that has a beginning and an end every day. One thing I loved about web design was that I could start with a blank page and visually see a website come to life. It was like a building being built in front of me, where you can see the frame, then the walls, then the windows, until it was complete.
I also am feeling the need more and more to do something manual. I think I’d be happy fixing things. To have the problem-solving to start, to find out what’s wrong, and to know what direction to go in until said thing worked again. This is the kind of thing that drove me to IT. I’m not developing anything, but I would have been finding a solution so that it worked again. I do like to tinker.
So, here I am getting closer to 5 decades on this sphere, thinking about a career flip. This isn’t the first time, but this might be the closest I’ve been to actually pursuing it. What I know is I need to find something I love to do for what will probably be the next 15 to 20 years of my life.
- I later heard from other developers that Java is probably the worst first language you can learn ↩︎
